Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
