i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
