i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
