I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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