I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
