The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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