My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
