Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
