she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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