He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
