she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
