with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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