Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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