It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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