You can't motorboat a personality
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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