drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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