I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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