You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
