I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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