Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
