i already hear my dad disowning me
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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