Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
