You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
