I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
