So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
