I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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