You're so nebulous sometimes
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
