I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
