it's like iHOP with fire
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
