Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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