i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You pole danced in your parka.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
