I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
