there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
