If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
