Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
