So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
