True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
