So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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