i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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