Buhtt sex?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
