Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
