i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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