Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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