I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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