People with herpes should wear stickers.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
