you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
