dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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