I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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