I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
