When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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