im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I want her autograph on my taint
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
