thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
