dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
