how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
