trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
