I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Rumble strips road head = magical
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
