I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I need a beard to bite.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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