this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
