its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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